WD SYNDICATE'S BEST OF 2008 Saturday, December 27, 2008
WD SYNDICATE BEST OF 2008
Happy holidays from the Syndicate! Hopefully Santa made his yearly visit, dropped off some toys and didn’t make out with you girl in the meantime. If you’re reading this you survived the annual holiday shopping frenzy and your kicking back with some eggnog while wearing that ugly sweater your Aunt Tootsie made for you (yes, I had an Aunt Tootsie). In all seriousness, we here at the Syndicate wish you and yours a very happy and safe holiday.
With each passing year we are always subjected to all these year end reviews, or best of lists. Frankly I’m not impressed with many or any of them. So being that WD SYNDICATE made its official relaunch in 2008, I felt it necessary to put our own spin on the best of 2008. From, music to politics, 2008 was far from boring. So without further adieu, we bring you the BEST OF 2008!
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Ok here are the ground rules for this category. At first we were going to go by genre. But listing Best Punk Album, Best Hardcore Album, Best Metal Album, Best Metalcore Album, Best Emo Album (if that even exists), and so on and so on would just be counter productive. No, we wanted the best fucking album put out in 2008 hands down. The best album of 2008 should blur the lines of genre and make it to your playlist the most despite your so called musical allegiance.
CANCER BATS Hail Destroyer
Obviously this was a tough category, especially when combining all musical genres. But Canadian rockers the Cancer Bats hit a home run with Hail Destroyer. Combining genres such as metal, hardcore, punk and southern rock, we here at the Syndicate found it virtually impossible not to give this award to them! The album is an absolute rager from beginning to end and does not let up at any point. Songs such as Harem of Scorpions, PMA Till I’m DOA, and Regret are absolutely mosh pit inducing numbers. I challenge anyone to name a song better to get over getting played by a chick than Sorceress. Working day and night got you down? Try throwing on Deathsmarch while stuck in the cubicle next time. I’m willing to bet your ripping off your cheap tie and throwing windmills by the copy machine in no time.
Runner Ups: (1) Parkway Drive Horizons, (2) H2O Nothing to Prove, (3) Gojira The Way of the Flesh, (4) Testament The Formation of Damnation, (5) The Gaslight Anthem The’59 Sound,
WORST ALBUM OF THE YEAR
To be the winner of this prestigious award a band has to have two elements. One, the band has to suck to begin with and two, the band has to put out an album that is complete garbage. Hey they say, consistency counts for something right? The Worst Album of the Year should be exactly that….garbage that just annoys you just for being played. It’s the album that either hasn’t made it to your iPod or you immediately skip over any of its songs while on shuffle. And the loser is…
METALLICA Death Magnetic
It’s of no surprise that our WORST album of the year is apparently Revolver magazine’s BEST album of the year. Just goes to show you who sucks dick at the rest stop bathroom and who doesn’t. How anyone can name this drawn out album the best of 2008 is beyond us. Here at WD headquarters the consensus seems to be that Metallica lost its teeth when it released the radio friendly, hard rock, Black Album. They left metal behind and joined the ranks of Led Zepplin, CCR, Pearl Jam and their classic rock motif. Ok, maybe we’re being a bit harsh on the guys here. With all due respect, we know that without the monster that was Metallica, many of today’s bands probably wouldn’t exist. Their music has inspired many…but the keywords “was” and has”…past tense. The leader of the big 5 of thrash hung up its chops, licks and fast paced riffs with Justice and never looked back. Sure Death Magnetic has its moments, but for such a juggernaut we were expecting so much more…and utterly disappointed yet again (hello St. Anger!). The Unforgiven III?!?!? Come on now!!!!
Runner Ups: (1) The Offspring Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace, (2) Guns N’ Roses Chinese Democracy, (3) Saliva Cinco Diablo, (4) Nickelback Dark Horse, (5) Fall Out Boy Dave de Sylvia, (6) Judas Priest Nostradamus.
COMEBACK BAND OF THE YEAR
Bands come and go and sometimes, come back again. Sometimes they are better off not coming back. It’s a tough obstacle to overcome and any band that can do it successfully are usually a force to be reckoned with. 2008 was filled with comebacks. Some more commercial than others, but only one will win the Syndicate’s title of Comeback Band of the Year…
H20 Nothing To Prove
New York hardcore legends came back with glorious anger with the release of Nothing To Prove. After a seven year hiatus which included branching out into various side projects (Toby Morse - Hazen Street, Todd Morse - Juliette and the Licks and The Operation M.D., Rusty - P-Nut Jewelery) the band regrouped and put together an album that made us feel like it were 1994 all over again. The album is fun, fast and furious. Plenty of gang vocals and guest appearances (Lou Koller of Sick of it All, Matt Skiba of Alkaline Trio, Roger Miret of Agnostic Front) litter the album and give it a great old school feel but the guys go through great lengths not to be "preachy", chasing away new listeners. The album was followed by nonstop touring which the band has always been known for (Dropkick Murphy's, H2O, and Civet on the ALL ROADS LEAD TO BOSTON TOUR). A good part of my life has been spent at H2O shows and its great to see the guys haven't lost a step. They are one of the best hardcore bands to perform live, always have been. After a seven year layoff, they learned a lot about life and it shows in both the album and their live performances. At the end of the day, they got nothing to prove.
Runner Ups: Testament, Motley Crue, AC/DC
BIGGEST LETDOWN ALBUM
This category is not at all similar to the Worst Album of the Year in that the “winner” of this award isn’t necessarily a disaster of a band that induces sleep or suicide. Everyone has bad days and maybe this band just wasn’t feeling so hot when they recorded the biggest letdown since you told your parents you were dropping out of school to pursue your acting career.
ALKALINE TRIO Agony & Irony
I can hear thousands of emo kids crying their mascara off already. I know, I know…we’re a bunch of savages for naming Alkaline Trio as the recipient of this award. I’m sure I’ll lose about 10 minutes of sleep over it. Agony & Irony was over-hyped and disappointing. No one wanted this album to be better than what it was than we did! There’s only about two really good songs on this album and comparing it to the band’s predecessors is futile. It just doesn’t compare.
Runner Ups: (1) Rise Against Appeal to Reason, (2) In This Moment The Dream, (3) All That Remains Overcome.
BEST TV SHOW
Again, we’re combining all the genres here. Comedy, thriller, mystery, cop shows, all got to compete for the best show on television. New, old, it didn’t make a difference. It had to hold our attention for the entire season. That means we would lie, cheat and steal in order not to miss an episode. But being we all have DVR or Tivo I guess that just makes us really bad people huh?
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Another tight race but the gang from Sunny won in convincing fashion, and for good reason. Hands down it is the most original, most entertaining, most shocking and most hysterical show on television today. If Danny DeVito ran for president the Syndicate would vote for him. The Syndicate’s own, Gdevil was Greenman for Halloween! They did an entire show about a mystery poop!!!! Is there anything more funny than poop humor? We don’t think so, and if you do, you’re probably on the wrong website.
Runner Ups: (1) Sons of Anarchy, (2) Dexter, (3) Burn Notice, (4) Psyche, (5) True Blood
HOTTEST “UNKNOWN” GIRL ON MYSPACE
Fire up your engines boys and girls. This award goes to the hottest amateur model/gal on Myspace. Looks are one thing, but the winner of this one isn’t just lips, tits and a great ass. She also has to have a good attitude. One where if you leave a comment on her page she actually writes you back saying how sweet you are, making your ego as well as other body parts swell. By “unknown” we mean she hasn’t graced the covers of Maxim, FHM or Stuff (is that still out?) just yet, but she’s also not just posting camera phone pictures of her in the ladies room. Please ladies, some professionalism por favor? Our Hottest Girl on Myspace has to have mostly all or some professional photography in her profile.
Jessenia Vice
Instead of telling you all why Jessenia won, how about we just post a photo or two and tell you we hope she does a WD shoot in the near future. We have a feeling the title "Unknown" won't be for very long. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jessenia Vice…
Runner Ups: Jessenia won by such a large margin we actually sold all of the runner ups to Middle Eastern men to be sex slaves.
BEST PORNO
Best pornographic film. Yes, pornography is on everyone's mind. Don't front. Even the holiest of holy's have indulged in a Debbie Does Dallas video or two..or three. Porn has come a long way since the cheesy music and over abundance of pubic hair circa 1970s and 80s. Have you seen the crowd the AVN's get each year in Vegas??? Fact of the matter is the porn industry is one of the largest in the world and like it or not (WE LIKE IT! WE LIKE IT!) its here to stay. So why not have some fun with it? The best skin flick as judged by WD SYNDICATE has to entertain as well as arouse. We're artists here for god's sake! Give us more than a suck, slam, money shot for our dollar!
Tattoos+hot gals+porn+money shots = WD SYNDICATE'S Best Porno of 2008! This one from Burning Angel is sure to take the wrinkles out of your pants. Directed and delivered with the quirky comedic genius of Brookyln's favorite Jew, Joanna Angel, COMT#4 assembles a gorgeous cast including Jessie Lee (GDevil's favorite), Casi Nova, Dasi Marie, and the smoking hot Jezebelle Bond. The girls produce scorching scene after scorching scene but in true BA fashion, never taking themselves too seriously. You'll find yourself laughing while choking your chicken for sure. And who doesn't want to laugh AND whack off???
Runner Ups: (1) Babysitters, (2) Honey Bunny, (3) Fuck Me In The Bathroom
BEST FREE PORN WEBSITE
Why waste money on porn when you can get some quality skin flicks for free via the internet? If you choose to throw money out of your window you probably ate some paint chips when you were younger. Yes there are some quality pay sites out there, and if you are looking for a specific sort of fetish such as midgets, bondage and/or choking then maybe you should steal mom’s credit card and go nutty…no pun intended. Till then here's the Syndicate's best free porn site of 2008...
Pornhub is awesome. It’s updated a bunch of times daily and you rarely see the same video twice. Your not getting snips of videos, mostly your getting whole clips! No more skipping on the money shot for us! Another feature includes a great search engine to find all the scenes of your favorite vixen or genre. Why waste time searching when there’s spankin off to be done??
There are zillions of websites out there. Hell even WE have a website! Who would have thought! If you can think of it, there’s a site for it. Hairy footed women who perform topless car washes? Google it. I’m sure something will come up. The winner of this award should be able to keep you busy for hours and piss off the IT department so much they eventually block it from work computers.
Got hours to kill? Procrastinate much? Dodgin doing actual work? OVGUIDE is the place to be. It breaks down all that is the internet into categories and then gives you the best sites to surf on. Check it out!
Runner Ups: WWW.WDSYNDICATE.COM Come on, did you really think we weren’t gonna plug ourselves here???
BEST MMA FIGHT
Congrats to MMA for pretty much making the fiasco known as boxing a thing of the past. Let’s just all hope and pray that greed, money and power doesn’t infect what is probably the most entertaining sporting events of recent time. With that said, there were some great MMA fights had in 2008. UFC, WEC, Affliction all promoting big name cards and putting some quality fights for display. The Best MMA Fight of 2008 should have it all though. Great storyline, great fighters and of course, a great fight.
Couture vs Lesnar
This was a tough decision but in hindsight we felt that the Couture vs Lesner fight had it all. The salty veteran warrior verse what seems to be the future, immoveable object. In the end, Couture fell to Lesner in respectable fashion. The fight brought great debate the next day at the water cooler as yuppies and pencil pushers talked about as if they were starting a Fight Club of their own in the parking lot.
Runner Ups: (1) Urijah Faber vs. Jens Pulver, (2) Chuck Lidell vs. Rashard Evans, (3) Eddie Alvarez vs. Joachim Hansen
BEST ART WEBSITE
Yes, we’re a cultured bunch. We can appreciate good art even when its just for art’s sake. Just don’t show me a lump of shit and tell me it’s man’s plight against the system. The winner of this category should be able to hold anyone’s interest, even if they aren’t art aficionados.
I swear, favoritism had nothing to do with this selection. So what I’ve known the head honcho over at Robots for upwards of 20 years (shit, just gave away my age didn’t I?). This is in no way a plug for the fastest growing, most informative street art and graf site in the world. I swear. (How was that for subtle Chris?)
BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG
The list was long. Too long. We kept adding to it as the days went on and finally we had enough and decided to just name a whole bunch of douchebags to the list. They are all deserving of praise. Douchebaggery seemed to run rampant in 2008 and sadly it doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. Please do everyone a favor. If you see douchebaggery occurring in your neighborhood, please do something about it. Much like terrorism, if you see something, say something. And the douchebags are...
There you have it folks. The best and worst of 2008 as viewed by us at the Syndicate. The views expressed in this article are the soul opinions of WD SYNDICATE. If you disagree with or are offended by any you're probably a douchebag yourself and may very likely end up on next year's list. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
MOVIE REVIEW: THE WRESTLER Monday, December 22, 2008
So here I am sitting at my desk after baring witness to an indie movie which as of last week, I had never heard of. Tonight I battled the balmy cold weather to make my way to a small theater in the Lower East Side of Manhattan to see The Wrestler. The Landmark Sunshine Theater. For years I have always walked right past this place and never even thought about stepping foot in there. Usually its lined with the trendy, indie, overly liberal rot that infests my city like the bubonic plague. Only instead of puss filled blisters they bring really stupid furry hats and way too tight shirts, and of course their piss poor attitude. So when I saw the latest movie starring Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei was showing there, I gasped a little. I hope it's worth dealing with fake city dwellers and freezing tempertures.
I've been on a bit of a Mickey Rourke kick lately for some reason. The other night a friend brought over a movie called Barfly and ever since I have been looking up any flick with the walking, plastic surgery disaster known as Mickey Rourke in it. The ugly fucker has been in some show stopping movies and in my opinion, has always given his characters that "badass" appeal. Barfly was an awesome movie and I'm glad it took so long for me to see it. Had I seen it when I was younger I totally wouldn't have appreciated it fully. (So yes, Janine, thank you!).
The Wrestler is a movie about a wrestler's fall from the spotlight and how he copes with normal everyday life. For me, it reminded me of the old school WWF and brought back some great childhood memories I had. I remember watching wrestling with my brother all morning long on Sundays, trying to recreate the moves we saw I heroes pull off. I remember how frustrated my brother would get when he could not, for the life of him, figure out how to get me in a "figure four leg lock", even when I would let him position me. It was damn confusing for us! "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorf, Ivan "The Polish Power" Putsky, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, Ric Flair, Classy Freddie Blassy. The list goes on and on. We'd watch for hours and beat the crap out of each other during the commercial breaks. Back then wrestling was still trying to pull off being a legitimate sport and anyone who called it a "stage act" got a beatdown right there on television! I remember watching Regis Philbin getting supplexed after calling wrestling fake for cryin out loud! It was a soap opera for kids then, and nowadays its the same. It just targets grownups and it dropped the "this is real stuff" act.
As staged as it is the blaring fact is that wrestlers have not lead such poignant lives equal to their superstar or celebrity status. For a while it seemed that the pro wrestlers of yore were dropping like flies everyday. It was a sad reality that these once harrowed superhumans were passing well before their time. But why? These guys had millions chanting their name. They had everything. Fame, glory, fortune...right? This is where Rourke's character, Randy "The Ram" Robinson takes center stage. The movie centers on Rourke's differentiation between life in the ring and reality. Through a series of twists and turns The Ram is forced to choose between the glory or the reality, leaving for a great ending in my opinion. One you'll have to see the movie yourself to see.
Pluses for the movie:
Mickey Rourke kills it on screen once again. His fucked up face perfectly casts him as a beat up wrestler. If he wanted to go into the biz he really could. I'm willing to bet he spent a lot of time with the small time wrestling circuits to really grasp the lifestyle.
Marisa Tomei is a stripper. Which means we finally get to see her do some nudity. And much like Rourke, she did her homework in some stripclubs to learn the ropes. And we ain't talking the high class kind, we're talking truck stop titty bars. Sign me up! Always had a thing for you Marisa. Right up there with Alyssa Milano.
Acting, screenplay and camera angles were all fucking top notch. If this doesn't win some Oscars I am never paying to see another movie again.
THE FUCKING SOUNDTRACK KILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quiet Riot was the first metal record (yes, I said RECORD) I ever owned!!!!
Things that sucked about the movie:
I'm sure some will bitch about the ending. Without giving it away it sort of pulled a Sopranos on you. I liked it though.
Nothing really sucked except the asshole who kept yanking my seat back every time he had to get up during the movie, the two fucktards who yapped as they were 10 minutes late and tried finding a seat in a packed house, and the other two jerkoffs who camped out on the floor next to me as if it were Central Park and we were having a god damned picnic.
SHAI HALUD, SCARLET GREY, ALL THAT REMAINS Monday, December 15, 2008 SHAI HULUD Misanthropy Pure MetalBlade Records
The revolving door of post-hardcore sound slams one home with Misanthropy Pure. The human race hating group who has had more lineup changes than Madonna has had sex partners puts it all together for one hell of a progressive hardcore sound. (First recording with vocalist Matt Ian mazalli). I never understood the "post-hardcore" label. I mean does that mean the said band happened after hardcore? If i had to describe Shai Hulud it would be "Post Apocalyptical Hardcore". Misanthropy Pure is something to listen to when the end of days nears and the great Kutulu arises from the depths of the sea...or you can just listen to it like I do when driving recklessly and have to get someplace in a hurry. Shai's off-timed beats and misnthropic lyrics are abundant throughout but the drastic breakdowns are what draws my attention. Nicely done and well worth the wait.
TOP TRACKS: Venomspreader, Misanthropy Pure, We Who Finish Last, Set Your Body Ablaze (the new guy gets a crack at the best SH song ever!) GDEVIL'S VERDICT: If you have never heard Shai Hulud before and are into that whole math rock, metalcore stuff being pumped out now, Misanthropy Pure is a great addition. These guys pioneered the sound so many bands have copied an put forth as their own.
SCARLET GREY Limited:Black Self Released
Glam chick rock by a bunch of dudes. I got turned on to this band by a friend of mine who did a photo shoot for God's Girls.com. Reason being they have a song entitled, yep you guessed it, God's Girls. I felt obligated since she is hot although I was a bit apprehensive when she said "Your not gonna like this but give it a listen anyway." Way to sell a band! While Scarlet Grey isn't my usual cup of whiskey, they are certainly deserving of some praise with their album Limited:Black. A bit pop, a bit glam, a bunch of ooooooo's and ahhhhhhh's to line each track. Yes your girlfriend will probably like it more, but she may be that much happier you turned off the metal for once and showed your soft side.
TOP TRACKS: Mr. Sinister, God's Girls, She's Liquor
GDEVIL'S VERDICT: As much as I make fun of them I can't stop listening to them. Kind of reminds me of Alkaline Trio minus all the talk of killing yourself or your loved one. Not bad at all.
ALL THAT REMAINS Overcome Prosthetic Records
I wait for a new ATR album like a kid waits for Santa on Christmas morning. I have raved about this band in the past for both its albums and its live performances (although I was a bit peeved that they dropped off their tour with In Flames recently). Bottom line however, if you like metal, you more than likely have an appreciation for ATR. So Overcome is no surprise a pretty good album. What's different on it you ask? Well for one they parted ways with Killswitch Engage mainstay, producer Adam Dutkiewicz. Instead they elected the services of Jason Suecof (Bury Your Dead, Cannae, Devildriver). I'm not sure how much influence he had on the sound of this album but it definitely gives off a more mainstream vibe, take that for whatever its worth.
TOP TRACKS: Before the Damned, Undone, Relinquish GDEVIL'S VERDICT: While its not a bad album by any means, I don't think its ATR's best. I was expecting something a bit more brutal and less melodic. Then again, melody ain't such a bad thing, and no one really does it better than All That Remains. All hail Oli!
The year is 2008, fastly approaching 2009. I ask you all this question. How many people do you know WITHOUT either a Myspace or Facebook profile? If you answered a few, well you are a minority. According to Techradar.com a total of 170 million people are registered to one or the other, or even both sites. Those are pretty impressive numbers considering what both Myspace and Facebook started off as. Just a small idea to keep people connected, and look what it exploded into? Do you think Myspace Tom ever thought his little social networking idea would spawn relationships, make bands into overnight superstars and make that girl next door an international sensation? Both of these sites have injected themselves into our lives to such an extent we have to check on our friends Facebook status on the hour via cell phone or check our Myspace inbox to see if that dreamy guy/girl messaged us back on the hour. For some people it has launched them into careers of modeling, acting, hell even the totally talentless (see Tila Tequila) has garnered international superstar status by blogging about lipstick colors and lesbianism. Pretty much, if you have an internet connection, a digital camera and a little html know-how, you have a chance to be your own little celebrity, rock-star. It’s an idea that engulfs us all at times. And I call bullshit if you have never lipsynched or air-guitared in front of a mirror.
I am guilty of falling into the self indulgent world of both Myspace and Facebook. I’m not going to make excuses. I like attention and I’m willing to bet the majority of people also like attention. Otherwise how else would explain all those girls posing half naked in front of their bathroom mirrors with cell phone camera in hand on their Myspace pages? But which site can actually deliver the goods and get you laid? THAT'S the real question isn't it? Again, your not putting on your best makeup for that perfect cell phone picture for nothing are you? So today I’m going to weigh and compare the two social networking giants based on my personal experiences and some other's experience. Now I know both of these sites are not billed as dating sites so to speak, but we all know the truth of the matter here. I'm willing to bet out of those 170 million people with profiles out there, at least more than half aren't really interested in spreading the word about the latest shitty band in your neighborhood…MYSPACE VS. FACEBOOK!! The saga continues!
Myspace Where do I start? I remember a friend telling me I should join the site after I just got out of a bad relationship way back in 2000. He didn't bill it as a dating site, just a site where you can meet people which appealed to me because of my zombie-like work hours at the time. i didn't and still do not have the time to go out and mingle in bars, clubs, bookstores or the local coffee shop to hit on, flirt with or approach women...your mother included. I was apprehensive about the whole idea of having my information out on display for all to see until i saw how many women were EXTREMELY excited to take soft core porn shots in front of their bathroom mirror and post them for the world to see! "If these girls can almost show nipple and aren't worried about anything, why should I thought?" was one of my thoughts. My other thoughts ranged between how much lotion do I own and will anyone notice a tube of it on my computer desk. I succumbed and immediately started adding people I knew, people they knew then eventually just random hot chicks. "Where are these girls in real space!?!" I asked!!! I grew some balls and asked a few out. Some blew me off, others took me up on the offer and gave me many stories to tell for years. Some good, some bad...mostly bad.
Obviously I will hide the identities of all girls because I don't want to get WD SYNDICATE sued. Hell, then again, we barely own anything so if these descriptions come anywhere close to you I suppose you can give your jerkoff lawyer a call. Our secretaries will be standing by. Here are the wackiest two broads I've met on Myspace.
Girl#1 - "The Mouth" This gal started off as a pen pal. We would exchange messages, comments almost on a sickening level. Eventually phone numbers were exchanged and finally we started hanging out. She was a cool girl with great taste in music in my opinion and we had plenty in common. BUT...it should have been kept on that friend level. Once we crossed the line I started seeing who this girl really was. For one thing, she wouldn't shut up. She had a nervous tick in her face that made me start thinking she had a form of Tourette Syndrome. Needless to say it didn't work out as she started to make up stories of how we were such great friends and how we were truly in love, blah..blah..blah... Truth of the matter is we spoke about maybe a dozen times on the phone in about 2-3 years and have hung out physically about 3-5 times. But yeah, that's true love.
Girl#2 "The Itch" I friended this girl purely on impulse. She was hot therefore I added her. Shame on me, I know. But whatever, I was on a mission to meet someone...ANYONE, at this point in my life. She was a tan brunette with, what appeared to be a pretty smoking body (you'll see where this is going). Again, we started messaging and commenting back and forth and eventually moved to a phone relationship...a big step in the internet world. On the phone she had a very strong Irish brog, which surprised me because of her tanned complexion. "Oh, I just got back from vacation." she replied. It eased any anxiety I had that she would be a totally different person when and if we ever met. Speaking of anxiety, all her photos were "waist up" pictures. "Hmmm this has disaster written all over it" I remember thinking. We agreed to meet up for lunch and a drink one day. I ring the bell and it all comes to fruition. Yes she's tan. Because she's Pakistani! Something you may have wanted to share with me, but again, shame on me, because when someone says they are Irish that just means they were born there. Hell, I know a bunch of black Italian citizens who were born there as well, but I wouldn't ask them to make me ravioli. The date was horrible. She proceeded to get so drunk she could barely walk. The more drunk she got the less I could understand her as accent got really incoherent. I also got to notice her mangled teeth on occasion when she would laugh so loud her mouth opened like a PEZ dispenser to put all those "summer teeth" (summer here, summer there) on display. I smoothly told her i had to go to work earlier and guided her back to my car. During our walk and ride back to deliver this mess home, I noticed she kept scratching her stomach violently. We arrived at her apartment, I opened her car door and came to a horrifying discovery. Her shirt was almost completely undone revealing what she had been scratching. It appeared to be a rash I could only describe as "flesh eating" and "zombie-like". I ejected her to her front door and ran home to disinfect the ride. Friendship - deleted.
FACEBOOK Facebook, to me, is for grownups. Hell, my brother, sister in-law and all of my family is on there so I usually am on somewhat of my best behavior. It's not the right setting to go out and whore about town. This really is the best way to keep in contact with old friends and reconnect with people from grammer school, high school and college. Sounds great right?
Wrong. Yes its all nice to see what your long lost friend from 15 years ago is up to. But its also a bit depressing. Think about it. You see all your old classmates all married and having kids and what are you doing? Trying to bang girls off the internet!? Posting why Chuck Norris is the world's biggest badass!? Hey look there's that girl ou use to drool over in high school. She married the guy who use to kick you in the nuts on your way to gym class and they have 2.5 kids, a sick house and three cars. And what do you have? Maybe a goldfish and a lot of credit card debt from charging happy endings at the Korean Massage Palace.
So in review. I liken Myspace as what some child molestors see a schoolyard as...a smorgasboard full of opportunity. Everyone is on there for self gratification so why not fuel the ego by trying to cash in with some fornication? Facebook really is just a social networking site, good for personal and business use...and also if your looking for that extra push off the ledge if your down in the dumps about your miserable life.
SUICIDAL TENDENCIES LIVE AT IRVING PLAZA, NYC DEC 4th, 2008 Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Ok so the audio isn't the best, sue me. It was ST's first show in NYC in about 9 years so the staff at Irving Plaza figured a big VIP crowd and roped off the usual section where I film and take pictures. No, I haven't reached VIP status just yet either...sniff...sniff. Enjoy the antics of the craziest frontman I have ever witnessed, Cyco Mike Muir!!! Stay tuned for more video posts of this show from SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, MADBALL, and WHOLE WHEAT BREAD
CRUEL HAND, KANYE WEST, CIVET, NORMA JEAN Sunday, December 7, 2008CRUEL HAND Prying Eyes Bridge Nine Records
Notice a pattern in the reviews lately? Cruel Hand is another band signed to Bridge Nine Records (Energy was in last weeks updates). Reason being I just saw both of them open for fellow Bridge Nine bandmate, H2O, in what was a great show at the Blender Theater here in NYC. Cruel Hand put on a set that impressed me so much I splurged and bought their cd, Prying Eyes. The Maine quintet continued to impress me with 12 tracks of hardcore onslaught. The breakdowns are furious and many and proved to be big crowd pleasers at the show. They have a slight metal touch which was reminiscent of old school NY hardcore legends, Leeway (they even did a cover at the show) but are a band who is uniquely its own.
TOP TRACKS: I dig em all. No lie. I have been playing this cd nonstop since I bought it. Dead Weight, Life in Shambles, Hounds, No Known Graves, Prying Eyes…the list goes on.
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: Go and buy this album. If you like fast, furious, metal and punk infused hardcore you’ll love Cruel Hand. The singer’s voice reminds me of Brian Dingledine, vocalist of holy terror hardcore act, Catharsis of the mid 90s. The riffs remind me of Leeway. What’s not to love?
KANYE WEST 808s and Heartbreak Roc-A-Fella Records
Look. Even a crusty metalhead punk dirtbag such as myself needs some love makin music in his playlist. It shouldn’t be a surprise if you find such artists such as James Brown and Barry White shoved in along with Hatebreed and Iron Maiden on the ol’ ipod. So please don’t give me any grief on why Kanye made it in on this week’s reviews. Everything is fair game and if that’s not good enough for you I got a nice shiny boot I can lodge in your ass. Comprende? The first thing that I noticed on 808s is the presence of some serious percussion on many of the tracks. Kanye’s use of real instruments is a draw for me when it comes to his work. Another feature I noticed is Kanye’s use of synthesized vocals on most, if not all of the tracks. It gives it a “West Coast” style and personally, I can visualize myself in a tricked out Caddy with hydraulics jamming to 808s. The most interesting tidbit I also noticed on this record? Kanye doesn’t really rap on it. He’s singing for the most part. It’s more of an R&B album than a hip hop album in my opinion. I’m sure Kanye’s detractors will have plenty to say about that. TOP TRACKS: Welcome to Heartbreak, Heartless, Amazing, Love Lockdown, Robocop...yes, a track named Robocop.
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: If you don’t buy it, try stealing it or burning it from a friend. For most of you out there I’m sure it’s not your style. But if you’re in the mood for something different, trying to get over that gal who ditched you, it’s not a half bad album. Many of the tracks tell of heartbreak and sorrow, and it’s no surprise why. Kanye’s mom passed away while writing this album and to top all off, his woman left him! If that’s not inspiration for some bluesy shit I don’t know what else is.
CIVET Hell Hath No Fury Hellkat Records
What do you get when you add sexy to a stripped down garage punk band? You get Civet! While not breaking any kind of barriers with their second full length, Hell Hath No Fury, they prove that staying the course is just fine….especially when you’re a quartet of hot chicks. Honestly, I would probably sell my own mother into slavery for a night out with all of these girls (sorry mom). It’s just that they really are gorgeous, and they all have that damn punk girl snarl down pat! Oh. Did I mention the record is actually good too? The album has a crunchy, old school, punk vibe and each track is fueled with gang vocals and Civet’s signature femme fatale attitude. TOP TRACKS: Son of a Bitch, All I Want, Brooklyn (by law, I have to like any song with “Brooklyn” in it), Hell Hath No Fury GDEVIL’S VERDICT: While its not groundbreaking material, it’s still good ol fashioned, kick in the ass, punk rock music. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
NORMA JEAN The Anti Mother Solid State Records
Norma Jean cleaned up their act a little, so to speak, on their fourth album entitled The Anti Mother. The metalcore quartet from Georgia adds a little melody to their repertoire…ok, how about A LOT of melody? Without a doubt, The Anti Mother is the band’s most melodic to date. How does something as peaceful as melody work with the destructive force of Norma Jean? It will probably welcome a little more radio play and more than likely be ear-friendly to those who haven’t heard Norma Jean ever before. I applaud such actions and personally like the way the band experimented in this album. They also enlisted guest vocals by Deftone’s frontman, Chino Moreno and Saosin’s own, Cove Reber. Not only do these heavy hitters lend their pipes, but they also co-write on their respective guest tracks. Not too shabby.
TOP TRACKS: Vipers, Snakes, and Actors, Birth of the Anti Mother, Robots 3 Humans 0, Surrender Your Sons (Chino Moreno track), And There Will Be a Swarm of Hornets (a nine and half minute rager).
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: A good edition to Norma Jeans arsenal. New listeners will be pleasantly surprised I’m sure. But I would love to see their faces after they listen to Redeemer afterwards.
WD SYNDICATE AT THE NYC EXXXOTICA EXPO Wednesday, December 3, 2008
So many of you have been asking...Where are the chicks!? Unfortunately our Dames Section is still in the works (see WD ANTI-SOCIAL coming soon!) but GDevil and company did have a chance to visit the NYC Exxxotica expo held in beautiful Edison, NJ this past Summer. We got to hang out with Joanna Angel, Jessie Lee, Azreal,Draven Star, BellaVendetta and Misti Dawn of Burning Angel. Watched them beat the shit out of guys who wanted free porn. Guys...its for free on this thing called the INTERNET if you search good enough. Dummies. Got to meet Gianna Michaels and rested my head on her ginormous boobies. Tina Tink, Jackie Joy, Jasmine Mae, Stoya, Jesse Jane....you guys get the idea. So many porn stars, so little time. Enjoy! GDeViL
ENERGY, THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM, BLOODCLOT! Sunday, November 30, 2008ENERGY Invasions of the Mind Bridge Nine Records
Fans of melodic hardcore will appreciate the latest from Energy. While it’s a bit more refined than their previous release, Punch the Clock, Invasions is no slouch. The songs on Invasions mix a good dose of melody with angsty punk aggression to keep everyone happy. They tend to tap into a unique emo-esqe sound, similar to early AFI. Their use of gang vocals and choruses are sure to incite many a sing-a-long in upcoming shows.
TOP TRACKS: Hunter Red, 400, Contact, Satellite and the Hit, Brickstone. Considering there are 11 tracks, two of which are instrumentals and one is 28 second quickie, I’d say that’s a great ratio. GDEVIL’S VERDICT: I haven’t been able to stop listening to this album. It’s a good change of pace from the usual heavy shit I listen to. Invasions of the Mind is something you can throw on to get past second base with that emo chick you’ve been hitting on.
THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM The ’59 Sound Side One Dummy Records
Fans of garage rock rejoice, The Gaslight Anthem has arrived with their fourth full length release, The ’59 Sound. This is my first crack at listening to Gaslight and without knowing a thing about them I knew they were from the rock capital of the United States…New Jersey. The parallels made with The Gaslight Anthem and early Bruce Springsteen are uncanny on this album. It’s evident that they are and have been heavily influenced by The Boss. That may be okay for my dad who is now 60 but what about the kids? Rest easy children. This is intelligent, stripped down, blue collar rock and roll anyone can enjoy.
TOP TRACKS: Great Expectations, The ’59 Sound, Miles Davis & The Cool, The Backseat, Meet Me By the River’s Edge
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: If it ain’t from Jersey throw it back! Jersey has been the birthplace of Springsteen, Bon Jovi, big hair and some toxic fumes. You might as well add The Gaslight Anthem to that growing list of things that rock from the armpit of America!
BLOODCLOT! Burn Babylon Burn (self released by Bloodclot!)
NYHC’s godfather, John Joseph is back with his new project, Bloodclot! Truth is the guy has never truly left the scene to begin with. When anyone mentions New York Hardcore there are two frontmen that stand out in my mind. They are, and in no certain order, Roger Miret of Agnostic Front, and John “Bloodclot” Joseph of Cro-Mags fame (I was also a fan of his short lived side project, Both Worlds, a while back). These guys were the blood and sweat that gave the scene its boldness…or its balls more or less. With hardcore taking on different sounds these days its great to see Bloodclot! come out with Burn Babylon Burn. It stays true to the old school hardcore code of delivering a message, not something coated with flashy guitar solos or fashionistas preaching about whatever cause is the trend these days. The album has some serious breakdowns to go along with Joseph’s realer than real lyrics, and if anyone knows how to lay down meaningful and insightful lyrics there’s no one better than John Joseph. But let’s also give credit to the rest of Bloodclot! shall we? As I said before, there are some major breakdowns on this album, sure to make any pit a moving mass of picking up change, fist pounding riot.
TOP TRACKS: Revolution, Parallel Lives, Asleep At the Wheel (great metal chorus which reminded me of Leeway), The Turning Point, Stirring In the Hearts and Minds.
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: In this day and age it seems as if there are millions of bands and with technology and the internet its getting easier for so many of these bands to be heard. Here’s my gripe. If your going to send me friend requests on Myspace, Facebook or any other mind numbing social networking website, HAVE SOMETHING TO FUCKING SAY!!! Seriously, it seems to me that many of these cookie cutter bands follow the same formula and sing about meaningless nonsense. Bloodclot! is not one of these bands and I hope many of you younger cats out there read this and take notice. You may not have grown up on Cro-Mags or Bad Brains, but I assure you without them, many of the bands you listen to today would be irrelevant. On a sidenote, John Joseph has a book out entitled The Evolution of a Cro-Magnon. (published by Punkhouse). I urge anyone who grew up in New York City in the late 70’s and 80’s to go out and buy it.
PROZACTA-MUNDO: OVERMEDICATING AMERICA ONE KID AT A TIME Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I live in an over-medicated, pussified city. It’s not the same city I remember growing up in. I mean, one expects change but not this drastic. The neighborhoods I was warned never to enter, mostly because I wasn’t Hispanic, black or Asian, are now home to yuppies, hipsters and trend-setters from the Mid-West. Gentrification at its best can be found in New York City. But I digress. I always tend to get off point once hipsters enter my train of thought. Damn skinny jean wearin sons of bitches!
I was enjoying some tacos in a place called San Loco with my friend Tina one night. Its one of my favorite places to go and I usually overdo it and eat my weight in tacos. Just a plain hard shell beef taco at San Loco does a growing boy good. It’s long been a place of late night eats, and long conversation. While we were waiting for our second order of nachos to make their way to our table I started thumbing through a local newspaper. It wasn’t a major paper, just your typical liberal NYC rag littered with cultural, arts and music articles. Complete with ads for transvestite prostitutes in the back of the paper. I was midway through the paper when an article jumped out at me, made me drop a nacho and get nacho cheese on my crotch. The article was entitled “Is It Ok to Mix Alcohol With Prozac?” At first, I thought it was a joke. As I read on I saw it was no laughing matter, and it was serious article, part of an entire section devoted to psyche meds and the city. While reading this article I started getting angry. It made me feel as if I were the only person in NYC NOT on any sort of anti-depressant. It glamorized drugs such as Prozac and Lithium and then, the fucking kicker, it suggested knocking back a few cocktails with your dose!
Why did I get mad? For the same reason I usually do. The late, great, George Carlin coined a term I have come to use almost on a daily basis while walking the streets of Manhattan. Mr. Carlin had a knack for calling a spade a spade. He saw that people were becoming “soft”. He called this transformation “Pussification”. And I must say it suits New York City to perfection. Years of coddling America’s young and babying their every step has lead to the easy way out when it comes to raising our children. There’s a fucking pill for every little deficiency! Sad? Pop a Prozac. Anxiety? Pop a Xanax. Whatever happened to coping skills? Dealing with emotions rather than covering them up with pills? People have been raised to become pussies. NYC, as well as many other cities I’m sure, have become soft, and I blame poor and lazy parenting as the root cause of it all. Today parents have to peel their kids away from their internet, or gaming console in order to set up an outdoor playdate with another, equally coddled youngster. Think about it.
(And at the sake of sounding like an old man wagging his finger at a youngster saying, “When I was your age!!!”…)
I don’t know about you, but I use to look forward to blasting through the screen door and ringing my friends’ doorbells with that ever so gleeful, “Can so-and-so come out to play!?” I also didn’t have to wear a fucking helmet when I went for a ride on my bike. And trust me; if anyone needed a helmet, it was this guy. I know when I was building ramps to launch my Haro sky high into the Staten Island summer sky, a helmet was the last thing on my mind. When I brought home a bad report card my parents administered some sort of corporal punishment. They didn’t send me to a shrink to give me pills so I can concentrate more, get better grades in social studies and in short, become a blithering zombie who can’t fucking think for himself!
Do I have kids? Absolutely not. Maybe I don’t have any authority to belittle today’s parents? My answer is, yes, I, and everyone else has every right to rip on bad parents who continue to litter the neighborhoods with mindless morons who will eventually be our police officers, salesmen, and even that weird artsy kid who is making my latte. Rest assured, when and if I do decide to hatch a hell-spawn into this world you can guarantee, my kid will kick your kid’s ass!
TRIVIUM, UNEARTH, METALICCA, BLEEDING THROUGH Sunday, November 23, 2008TRIVIUM Shogun
Roadrunner Records
Once upon a time there was a thrash metal band who ruled the music world with an iron fist and face melting guitar licks. That band went by the name "Metallica". Today Metallica have turned into a joke. A bunch of primadona rock stars who still think that they're relevant. In my opinion they lost their right to be labeled "metal" years ago, but that's just me. But nevertheless, back in their day (pre black album) their music destroyed and was used as influence for many bands that followed them. Trivium must have took notice. Their new album, Shogun, is what Metallica probably would have sounded like had they not lost their balls.
TOP TRACKS: Into the Mouth of Hell We March, Of Prometheus and the Crucifix, Shogun
GDEVIL'S VERDICT: Buy it. Cut the sleeves off that ratty, old Metallica t-shirt and prepare for headbanging.
UNEARTH The March
Metal Blade Records
My friend Amanda turned me on to Unearth almost two years ago. I believe she said something to the effect of "Unearth will rip your face off!" Coming from an extremely attractive, tattooed gal I did what any red blooded, male would do...I touched myself repeatedly, then went out and bought Unearth'sIII Through the Eyes of Fire. Simply put, I have been a fan ever since. Unearth's recipe for success lies in their ability to pull off insane fretwork while keeping the tempo amped to the extreme. Its good to see a band actually get better with each album using the same formula rather than "experiment" with new sounds. I'm so sick of that bullshit from bands who have only put out two-three albums. The March is the perfect addition to Unearth's arsenal.
TOP TRACKS: We Are Not Anonymous, The March, Crow Killer, The Chosen
GDEVIL'S VERDICT: From now on whenever a hot tattooed girl tells me anything, I listen.
METALLICA Death Magnetic
Warner Bros
Ok. If you read my review on Trivium's album Shogun, you probably know where I'm heading with this review. Metallica fans, if not anything, are absolutely loyal so I'm sure I'll get a lot of negative feedback when i say...this album is absolute garbage. Hell Metallica could put out an album of them farting in a coffee can and everyone will buy it. Let me explain. I hold Metallica to such a high standard I tend to be really hard on them. Ever since the Black Album I've said they lost something. They lost their edge while acting like pompous rock stars in the meantime. They deserve all the credit in the world for what they have done in the world of metal...but alas, they aren't metal anymore. They have re-created themselves into a hard rock band, and by all means, that's perfectly fine. Musically, this album is leaps and bounds better than that last album they put out. I can't even, and won't even speak its name. The guitar work and drums at times brought me back to the times of Ride the Lightening. But the vocals are what bother me. Somewhere along the line someone got in James Hetfield's ear and told him he has a brilliant voice. And while some of the all time best Metallica songs are ballads, I still liken the Hetfield growl of Kill Em All. At times he seems to draw out words when there's no need to, and it just gets really annoying (See The End of the Line). And do i really need to comment on on The Unforgiven III???? Going to the well a few times shows a lack of motivation and creativity in my opinion.
TOP TRACKS: The album isn't ALL bad. It's just not MY Metallica. That Was Just Your Life, All Nightmare Long and the 10 minute raginistrumental Suicide & Redemption had me banging my head like it was 1988 all over again.
GDEVIL'S VERDICT: Regardless of how many times I badmouth them I always end up buying their new album. Like ex-bassist Jason Newsted once answered when asked if Metallica were sellouts, he answered, "Yes. We sell out. Every single show." As long as they keep pumpin out albums, the fans will buy them and I'll keep holding my breath till they go back to their old ways. Till then, I have a slightly used copy of Death Magnetic if anyone's interested.
BLEEDING THROUGH Declaration
Trustkill Records
Orange County's metalcore marauders are at it again with their fourth full length entitled Declaration. Its the heaviest thing I've heard recently. I don't care if they have a hot keyboardist, if its one thing Bleeding Through has been known for is that they always go heavy. Their last album The Truth was a bit of a let down for many BT loyalists because they experimented with ballads and vocal ranges. Declaration seems to be just that, a declaration stating they can still keep it heavy while keeping it interesting. I couldn't listen to the album in its entirety on first listen. It kind of got on my nerves and seemed repetitive. But once I was in the mood for something brutally heavy I gave it a try and was pleasantly satisfied. One thing I noticed was the presence of the keyboards actually. In the previous albums, Marta's keyboards are more background, elevator music in my opinion, and the band could record with or without her and still pull off the same sound. But on Declaration Marta's keyboards are pushed more into the forefront, giving off a dark, eerie, atmosphere, proving she's way more than a piece of ass on stage.
TOP TRACKS: Declaration, Orange County Black and Blue, There Was a Flood, Sister Charlatan
GDEVIL'S VERDICT: Declaration is growing on me the more I listen to it, as did any previous Bleeding Through albums. Would a person who never heard BT before appreciate the album? Eh. Don't think so. But OG fans can rejoice that they ditched the power ballads from The Truth and returned to punching people in the face.
UFC 91: COUTURE VS. LESNAR Sunday, November 16, 2008
So here I am on a Saturday evening. Its raining cats and dogs here in Staten Island. The weather reports a tornado may actually touch down here. In New York City!? All signs point to a somewhat quiet night inside. One thing is for sure, this guy is not going anywhere in this monsoon. So what to do? Order up some cheap Mexican food and watch what has been labeled the most anticipated MMA bout of the year.... UFC 91: Couture vs. Lesnar. Other than the heartburn achieved by shoveling down six tacos, it was a pretty damn entertaining evening.
***(ANY VIDEOS BELOW ARE FROM PREVIOUS BOUTS OF ONE OR BOTH FIGHTERS)***
Bout 1: Damian Maia (9-0) vs. Nate Quarry (16-2) Referee: Herb Dean
Maia is a two time world jiujitsu champion who is suppose to be a ground game technician. Quarry is on the come back after having back surgery. One of his sponsors is Nuvasive Tech who supplied the technology to "rebuild" him...I just thought that was cool.
Round 1: Quarry gives up his back early in the bout. You can actually see Maia licking his chops as he sinks in a rear naked choke for a first round submission.
Damian Maia wins by tap-out (rear naked choke) 2:13.
Bout 2: Josh Hendricks (18-4-1) vs. Gabriel Gonzaga (9-3) Referee: Steve Mazagatti Hendricks is a burly guy who is currently on an eleven fight win streak. Took a year off so he may have some rust. He'll be testing it against a Brazilian JiuJitsu champ in Gonzaga, who is just a beast. He rolls out of the locker room to Danzig'sMother...so I have my prediction already. I remember seeing him knockout Cro-Cop and being pretty impressed...
Round 1: Heavy blows are traded by both monsters from the opening bell. You could hear the sickening thuds of each punch landed. Gonzaga landed more clean punches though. Gonzaga starts to land some serious knees while in a stand up clinch then unleashes a vicious right cross to Hendricks' head that sends him to the mat. The ref stops the fight as Hendricks is in La La Land.
Gabriel Gonzaga wins by TKO at :61.
Bout 3: Matt Brown (10-7) vs. Ryan Thomas (9-2) Referee: Herb Dean
Matt Brown (Ultimate Fighter alumni) replaced Matthew Riddle (knee injury) on short notice for this fight. So who had the upper hand with this? Recent fights like this show the new fighter winning a slightly higher percentage of the time. In my opinion it presents a problem for both fighters. Its like getting ready to take out the prom queen only to find out you got stuck with her fat cousin instead.
Round 1: Thomas takes it Brown early. They go to the ground where its pretty even as both fighters trade offensive guards.
Round Winner: DRAW
Round 2: Again the fight goes right to the ground. Brown manages to get Thomas in an arm bar. Thomas attempts to slam Brown two times (sans Quentin Jackson) to no avail as Brown is able to flip Thomas onto his back and gets full hyper extension on the arm bar.
Matt Brown winner by tap-out via arm bar at :57.
BOUT 4: TamdanMcCrory (11-1) vs. Dustin Hazelett (13-4) Referee: Steve Mazagatti Two tall, lanky fighters. McCrory prides himself on his Greco Roman background while the bearded hillbilly Hazelett, who entered the ring to CreedanceClearwater Revival, has been studying the "rubber guard" extensively.
Round 1: Excellent strikes traded at opening bell. Fight goes to the ground where Hazelett's rubber guard comes into play. Hazelett ties up McCrory in an OmaPlata. McCrory manages to roll out of it but lands right into a tight arm bar.
Dustin Hazelett wins by tap-out via arm bar at 3:59.
BOUT 5: Jeremy Stephens (15-3) vs. Raphael Dos Anjos (11-2) Youngster Jeremy "Lil Heathen" Stephens whose three-fight win streak was snapped with a recent unanimous-decision loss to Spencer Fisher, will welcome Brazilian Fury Fighting lightweight champ into the UFC.
Round 1: Good strikes exchanged from opening bell. The fight goes to the ground where Dos Anjos shows great control, putting Stephens on the defensive for most of the round.
Round Winner: Dos Anjos (2-1)
Round 2: Great right hand and knee combos thrown by Stephens. Dos Anjos times one of these combos just right and spears Stephens to the ground where he locks on a tight anaconda lock around the torso of Stephens. Stephens defends well and manages to escape mounting Dos Anjos, landing some serious elbows during an effective ground and pound.
Round Winner: Stephens (3-1)
Round 3: The biggest right hand of the night is thrown by Stephens. I mean he winded up like Popeye does after eating spinach. Sends Dos Anjos hurdling to the mat where Stephens goes for the kill, following up with some more punches before the referee puts an end to it.
Jeremy Stephens wins by TKO :39.
BOUT 6: Kenny Florian (12-3) vs. Joe Stevenson (34-8) Kenny Florian is one of my favorite fighters. Not only does he look like Face from the A-Team but his fighting style is just insane. Joe Rogan made some comments that everyone takes his ground game for granted because his opponents are focusing with his Muay Thai skills. Stevenson (who resembles John Leguizamo) has an impressive record and is a skilled wrestler and Brazilian JiuJitsu black belt is looking to make a name for himself with a win over Florian.
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Round 1: From the opening bell Florian looks to use Muay Thai kicks to open things up. Stevenson gets in close and pins Florian to the fence. Florian escapes and manages to take Steveson down to the mat. An excellent transition fom stand up to ground game. Florian applies a rear naked choke.
Kenny Florian winner by tap-out via rear naked choke 4:03.
MAIN EVENT: Randy Couture (16-8) vs. Brock Lesnar (2-1) Referee: Mario Yamakazi Here it is folks. The main event! Randy "The Natural" Couture meeting maybe his toughest challenge in his career. He's without a doubt, a legend in MMA fighting and the UFC. And at 45 years old he can still bring it. His opponent, who I am balloting to nick name "Baby Fenster" is 31 years old and outweighs him buy about 45 lbs, and oh yeah, has a 85 inch reach! When the fighters touch gloves one is instantly reminded of Rocky being dwarfed by the gigantic Russian destructive force, Ivan Drago.
Round 1: Both fighters hunt each other before clinching. Brock throws a few knees that land to the body before Randy sneaks big right to Brock's head. Brock shoots on Randy for a take down. That boy can friggen move for a big guy because its lightening fast. They trade guards at about 2:00. But Brock can't do anything from half guard and seems winded by end of the round.
Winner: Draw
Round 2: Round opens with a big elbow by Brock to Couture's head. Randy, stunned, begins to lean on Lesnar as he pushes him up against the fence. It gives Randy enough time to recover. At 3:37 Brock gets cut on right eye by some good shots by Randy. Brock throws a 1-2 combo and lands a big right to the left side of Couture's head which sends him to the mat dazed. Brock rains a flurry of hammer punches until ref stops the fight.
Brock Lesnar winner by TKO at 3:07 in the second round.
Fight Summary: This was a classic battle of experience versus ability. Not taking any ability away from Randy Couture but at first glance the fight looked as if it would be lop-sided. I mean what in hell does this Lesnar guy eat?! Couture put up a great fight in my opinion, and Brock., although I dislike him for his arrogance, deserved the win and fought a little better. A lot of people are blogging today about how the ref stopped it too early but i call bullshit on that. I think the ref gave Couture ample time to recover but after 30-40 hammer punches by this behemoth you can't blame the guy for stopping the fight in the interest of safety. Could Couture have continued? Of course he could have. But that's what separatesMMA/UFC from a random street fight. The only question now is will Randy Couture hang up the gloves? Only he knows the answer to that.
SLIPKNOT, HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD, FOXBORO HOT TUBS, THE OFFSPRING, CANCER BATS, MOTLEY CRUE, SPOILER NYC, STICK TO YOUR GUNS, H20 Wednesday, November 12, 2008
STICK TO YOUR GUNS COMES FROM THE HEART Century Media
I got turned on to this band by a friend who stated, and I quote, “If you thought hardcore was dead Stick To Your Guns is a fucking zombie!” Brain eating undead aside, he was part right. STYG throws an uppercut with their new album Comes From the Heart. Its chock full of the positive messages of hardcore songs of yore but its got an updated sound. Will old school cats think this is hardcore? Will they call it metalcore? It’s a matter of opinion really, and you know what they say about opinions right? They’re like assholes, everyone has one. Anyway, OG STYG fans may badmouth the new album because the vocals are more geared to traditional hardcore and not metalcore. I applaud this move. Hearing the melodic changeups in the vocals is a refreshing change of pace in my mind. One can only hear so many Cookie monster vocals before he wants to rip his ear drums out with a spoon. Top tracks include: Heart from the Heartless, Enough’s Enough, and Accessory Children. GDeViL’s Verdict: Buy it. Support the hardcore scene and pay these guys their due. They have a great sound yet stay true to hardcore roots. I had the chance to see these guys live at the Revolver Thrash and Burn Fest and the energy they pumped out on that stage could be felt by everyone.
HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD Swan Songs Octoscope Music
A bunch of masked Eminems!!!! But they mix a good dose of metal/rock instruments and hooks? Yes they had a song on the latest version of the Madden video game and yes they are yet another band who has used Myspace to their advantage but who the hell is gonna hold that against them in this day and age? HU is the real deal. A gangsta rap mashup with hooks reminiscent to pop/punk and metal. So far I’m diggin it. I’m looking forward to seeing them live and see what kind of crowd they draw. Top Tracks: Undead, City, California…aw hell, I can’t stop listening to this shit, all of em. GDeViL’s Verdict: This is what happens when the word “genre” is ignored. Kudos. Think Linkin Park only with balls and actually good hooks. The masks are a nice touch fellas but putting the album out the same week as fellow masked cohorts’ (Slipknot) may not have been such a good idea. Does anyone remember Mushroomhead? Bottom line, buy the album and get yo drink on.
SLIPKNOT ALL HOPE IS GONE Roadrunner Records
The original masked men from Iowa are back with their fourth full length release, All Hope is Gone. I’ve read a few initial reviews of the album and was not shocked most writers had mixed feelings on the album. Understandable given the subject. Slipknot has disappeared for a few years with its members branching off doing their own little side projects. Many felt that the monster known as Slipknot may have been sleign for good, that they lost their edge. I disagree. The “nasty nine” are back and as usual, they are pissed off. Let’s remember folks, normal bands have, at the most, five egos to deal with when making music. We’re talking about nine musicians here. Its an accomplishment in itself that they put this many albums out, and really, have they actually put out a bad album? No. Consider All Hope is Gone a mixture of all the previous albums, but please let’s not call them “Nu metal”. What the fuck is that shit anyway? Nu??? Slipknot is metal. All hope is NOT gone. Top Tracks: Gematria (The Killing Name), Psychosocial, Butcher’s Hook, All Hope is Gone GDeViL’s Verdict: I had the opportunity to actually hear Slipknot before seeing them. What I heard was a magnificent symphony of violent noise. When I saw them live in a small venue in NYC I could not believe that all these masked motherfuckers were on the stage at once making such heavy music. I’m a big fan of drumming in any metal band. Joey Jordinson is at his best and is undoubtedly one of THE best in the business. But the percussions of Shaun Crahan and Chris Fehn are astounding and can be felt big time on this album. Obtain this album by any means necessary.
SPOILER NYC Grease Fire in Hell’s Kitchen I Scream Records
Blue Collar, nitty-gritty, oi-punk. That’s what you’re gonna get with Spolier NYC. Their first album, Grease Fire in Hell’s Kitchen is exactly that. A messy, greasy, out of control, raging kitchen inferno, in what use to be one of NYC’s toughest neighborhoods (like the reast of the city, its being infiltrated by heartless yuppies). But when the smoke clears and the fire is put out, you’re left with a deliciously greasy burger and fries. Did I just call this album a burger? Whatever. The band is fronted by Alan Roberts of Life of Agony fame just to give you the pedigree on this one. Top Tracks: Ruined, Grease Fire in hell’s Kitchen, Suicide Motel GDeViL’s Verdict: Looking for a no frills punk album you can cruise to in your rebuilt Merc while picking up tattooed, Betty Page look-a-likes? This is the album to do it to.
H2O NOTHING TO PROVE Bridge 9 Records
There was once a time you could throw a rock in NYC and hit a lightpole which bared a flyer boasting of some hardcore/punk show being held within the city. CBGB’s, Wetlands, Tramps, Coney Island High and The Continental. All venues which showcased shows almost on a weekly basis. All gone. Every single one has closed shop, along with many of the bands which graced their stages in the days past. It appeared that for a while the NYHC scene may have died? H2O was born from the guts of the NYHC scene. Their music was a throwback when they first hit the stage back in 1995 and here we are now, in 2008, seven years since their last release and Nothing to Prove is a much needed breath of fresh air into a scene that many feel has lost its path. The members of H2O isn’t going to claim being saviors of a lost scene, but with their latest release, I don’t think anyone would argue the point. I always say that the scene today reminds me of punk and hardcore of the late 70s and 80s. Music has become more visual than audio. Much of it doesn’t have a message, or better yet, it doesn’t have a message worth listening to. Back then it was disco and hair metal that invaded good music. Nowadays its emo, prog rock and all this crossover nonsense. Is it good? To an extent. But I just feel that its always good to go back to your roots more often than not. I’m not saying H2O is saving the world or anything but Nothing to Prove is a much needed wakeup call for a scene that at times loses its way. The seven years hiatus has done these average joe’s some good. Refuled and refreshed they put out a classic hardcore album for the ages. Top Tracks: What Happened?, Fairweather Friend, A Thin Line, Undconditional. GDeViL’s Verdict: Old school cats will either love or hate this album. But putting all the shitty hardcore scene politics aside, this album is absolutely solid and totally worth the seven year wait. Although a couple pf more tracks would have been nice. Good work guys and thank you!
MOTELY CRUE SAINTS OF LOS ANGELES Eleven Seven Music ELES
Not many bands can claim they’ve been to hell and back… and back and forth again. For one band, not only has this journey to hell been done numerous times, but I think they’ve actually accumulated enough frequent flyer miles to own their own little corner in the fiery abyss. Yes, the Crue is back with their first full length recording in years. Saints of Los Angeles is aptly titled after the “glam” rock band who outlasted all the wannabe’s from back in the day. Saints brings back the raw sound only the original Crue can concoct. Top tracks include, Face Down in the dirt, Motherfucker of the Year, and Welcome to the Machine. GDeViL’s Verdict: Buy it. Not only buy it, but buy tickets to Cruefest as well. Its sure to be one of the top acts to see this summer…assuming the band keeps it all together and doesn’t relapse. The saddest sight I ever seen was a fat, bloated Vince Neil falling off a stage in New Jersey as he forgot the words to Livewire.
Cancer Bats Hail Destroyer Metal Blade Inc.
Canadian metal/hardcore/punk crossover miscreants are at it again with their sophomore effort Hail Destroyer. This album has quickly made its way to into the “most played” category on my playlist as of late. While CB have been labeled a hardcore act, its easy to hear the many influences that keep Hail Destroyer rockin. They do a great job of combining hardcore, punk, metal with a touch of southern rock. The result is an easy two thumbs up. Top tracks include: Hail Destroyer, a sure crowd pleaser, Harem of Scorpians, for the sick breakdowns, and my personal favorite, Sorceress, an ode to evil bitches everywhere. GDeViL’s Verdict: Buy it and see how many times your neighbors complain on you for cranking the decibel level to “ungodly”.
FOXBORO HOT TUBS STOP, DROP & ROLL
Green Day puts out a throwback 60s, garage band album. Yes, from the boys who brought you Dookie, comes a side project known as Foxboro Hot Tubs. The hipsters of Williamsburg have been drawn to this like a newly opened baggie of dope, but regardless, it’s a pretty interesting listen. Top tracks include, Ruby Room, She’s a Saint Not a Celebrity, and 27th Ave Shuffle. However, all of the tracks have been known to make your ass shake, even if it is just a little. GDeViL’s Verdict: Steal it from a hipster. Preferably maim the fucker while ripping it from his cold, dead hands too. This way you get the double satisfaction of ending the gentrification of NYC’s neighborhoods and scoring a good album to play at your next bash.
THE OFFSPRING RISE AND FALL, RAGE AND GRACE Sony/BMG
Pop-punk California darlings The Offsrping are back! But does anyone really care? After listening to their full length, I was almost hooked into saying “Yes, I care.” But sdaly after the first four tracks the album nose dives into a pile of main stream pop garbage. Top Tracks include: Half-Truism, Trust in You, You’re Gonna Go Far Kid, Hammerhead. GDeViL’s Verdict: Burn it…literally. Just set the fucker on fire. The offspring had something special when they released Ignition and Smash, but they lost me forever when they put out that Pretty Fly For White Guy penis discharge
CONFESSIONS OF A MASSAGE PARLOR QUEEN Tuesday, September 16, 2008
So here I am waiting in a White Castle parking lot, somewhere in Central New Jersey. It's around 2AM on a Wednesday morning, or Tuesday night depending on how early you go to bed I suppose. I start to get a weird feeling that my interview subject isn't going to show. "Well there goes my diet," I say to myself as I start through the drive through. So it's not a total waste, I order up ten hamburgers, cooked on a bed of onions and steamed to perfection. My colon will pay for it tomorrow I know. As I am about to sink my teeth into my first murder burger I get a text message. "I'm here, where are you?" it reads. I look around the parking lot and see a stunning female figure getting out of a brand new pearl white, BMW 6-series convertible. She's wearing a halter-top that looks as if it could use a hand supporting a set of cosmetically enhanced breasts. Her pristine figure is somehow squeezed into possibly the tightest pair of jeans I have ever seen and of course the outfit is topped off with a pair of stilettos that could double as harpoons. I lean out of my window to grab her attention. She acknowledges by cracking a smile and struts her way toward my truck. The amount of attention she just demanded from the White Castle staff is hilarious as I watch them all hanging out of the service window drooling. With each step her long, brown curly hair bounces ever so gently and in total unison with her tits. It's a perfect symphony of hair, jewelry and silicone.
She gets in on the passenger side, flashes that smile again and reaches for a burger without even asking. "I fucking love these things!" she says as she chows down. All the while I can't decide if I'm totally attracted to her or totally disgusted as I watch her throw slider after slider down her throat with little effort. There's a sort of gracefull-ness to her eating. With each bite or two she takes a new napkin, wipes her mouth, sips on her diet Coke then reapplies lip gloss. We decide to grab some more burgers before we start to chat. The pimple-covered teen at the service window is practically drooling as he hands over the grub. Sensing she's being watched she decides to tease the teenager a little bit by leaning over me any doubt of my window, getting extremely close to the kid. "We're gonna need some more ketchup sweetie," She purrs. I, along with the kid, melt like the American cheese on our burgers. And off we go.
She goes by the name Corrine. Her half Russian, half Korean background gives her both subtle, and brilliant facial features. I tell her she's the first Russian/Korean person I have ever met.
GDEVIL: Are there a lot of you out there? CORRINE: Not at all. Not that I know of at least. My father is from Ukraine. He worked with the military there. I don’t know the whole story, and he’s very reluctant to tell me, but somehow he ended up in China, then Korea, where he met my mother. From there they fell in love, moved to Australia for a while then finally landed in the states.
I'm intrigued at how such a beautiful specimen of a woman can be this down to earth and comfortable with a complete stranger. I mean when you look at Corrine from the neck up, she could be mistaken for a runway model. From the neck down however, she's all porn star. And here she is shove
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