WD SYNDICATE'S BEST OF 2008 Saturday, December 27, 2008
WD SYNDICATE BEST OF 2008
Happy holidays from the Syndicate! Hopefully Santa made his yearly visit, dropped off some toys and didn’t make out with you girl in the meantime. If you’re reading this you survived the annual holiday shopping frenzy and your kicking back with some eggnog while wearing that ugly sweater your Aunt Tootsie made for you (yes, I had an Aunt Tootsie). In all seriousness, we here at the Syndicate wish you and yours a very happy and safe holiday.
With each passing year we are always subjected to all these year end reviews, or best of lists. Frankly I’m not impressed with many or any of them. So being that WD SYNDICATE made its official relaunch in 2008, I felt it necessary to put our own spin on the best of 2008. From, music to politics, 2008 was far from boring. So without further adieu, we bring you the BEST OF 2008!
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Ok here are the ground rules for this category. At first we were going to go by genre. But listing Best Punk Album, Best Hardcore Album, Best Metal Album, Best Metalcore Album, Best Emo Album (if that even exists), and so on and so on would just be counter productive. No, we wanted the best fucking album put out in 2008 hands down. The best album of 2008 should blur the lines of genre and make it to your playlist the most despite your so called musical allegiance.
CANCER BATS Hail Destroyer
Obviously this was a tough category, especially when combining all musical genres. But Canadian rockers the Cancer Bats hit a home run with Hail Destroyer. Combining genres such as metal, hardcore, punk and southern rock, we here at the Syndicate found it virtually impossible not to give this award to them! The album is an absolute rager from beginning to end and does not let up at any point. Songs such as Harem of Scorpions, PMA Till I’m DOA, and Regret are absolutely mosh pit inducing numbers. I challenge anyone to name a song better to get over getting played by a chick than Sorceress. Working day and night got you down? Try throwing on Deathsmarch while stuck in the cubicle next time. I’m willing to bet your ripping off your cheap tie and throwing windmills by the copy machine in no time.
Runner Ups: (1) Parkway Drive Horizons, (2) H2O Nothing to Prove, (3) Gojira The Way of the Flesh, (4) Testament The Formation of Damnation, (5) The Gaslight Anthem The’59 Sound,
WORST ALBUM OF THE YEAR
To be the winner of this prestigious award a band has to have two elements. One, the band has to suck to begin with and two, the band has to put out an album that is complete garbage. Hey they say, consistency counts for something right? The Worst Album of the Year should be exactly that….garbage that just annoys you just for being played. It’s the album that either hasn’t made it to your iPod or you immediately skip over any of its songs while on shuffle. And the loser is…
METALLICA Death Magnetic
It’s of no surprise that our WORST album of the year is apparently Revolver magazine’s BEST album of the year. Just goes to show you who sucks dick at the rest stop bathroom and who doesn’t. How anyone can name this drawn out album the best of 2008 is beyond us. Here at WD headquarters the consensus seems to be that Metallica lost its teeth when it released the radio friendly, hard rock, Black Album. They left metal behind and joined the ranks of Led Zepplin, CCR, Pearl Jam and their classic rock motif. Ok, maybe we’re being a bit harsh on the guys here. With all due respect, we know that without the monster that was Metallica, many of today’s bands probably wouldn’t exist. Their music has inspired many…but the keywords “was” and has”…past tense. The leader of the big 5 of thrash hung up its chops, licks and fast paced riffs with Justice and never looked back. Sure Death Magnetic has its moments, but for such a juggernaut we were expecting so much more…and utterly disappointed yet again (hello St. Anger!). The Unforgiven III?!?!? Come on now!!!!
Runner Ups: (1) The Offspring Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace, (2) Guns N’ Roses Chinese Democracy, (3) Saliva Cinco Diablo, (4) Nickelback Dark Horse, (5) Fall Out Boy Dave de Sylvia, (6) Judas Priest Nostradamus.
COMEBACK BAND OF THE YEAR
Bands come and go and sometimes, come back again. Sometimes they are better off not coming back. It’s a tough obstacle to overcome and any band that can do it successfully are usually a force to be reckoned with. 2008 was filled with comebacks. Some more commercial than others, but only one will win the Syndicate’s title of Comeback Band of the Year…
H20 Nothing To Prove
New York hardcore legends came back with glorious anger with the release of Nothing To Prove. After a seven year hiatus which included branching out into various side projects (Toby Morse - Hazen Street, Todd Morse - Juliette and the Licks and The Operation M.D., Rusty - P-Nut Jewelery) the band regrouped and put together an album that made us feel like it were 1994 all over again. The album is fun, fast and furious. Plenty of gang vocals and guest appearances (Lou Koller of Sick of it All, Matt Skiba of Alkaline Trio, Roger Miret of Agnostic Front) litter the album and give it a great old school feel but the guys go through great lengths not to be "preachy", chasing away new listeners. The album was followed by nonstop touring which the band has always been known for (Dropkick Murphy's, H2O, and Civet on the ALL ROADS LEAD TO BOSTON TOUR). A good part of my life has been spent at H2O shows and its great to see the guys haven't lost a step. They are one of the best hardcore bands to perform live, always have been. After a seven year layoff, they learned a lot about life and it shows in both the album and their live performances. At the end of the day, they got nothing to prove.
Runner Ups: Testament, Motley Crue, AC/DC
BIGGEST LETDOWN ALBUM
This category is not at all similar to the Worst Album of the Year in that the “winner” of this award isn’t necessarily a disaster of a band that induces sleep or suicide. Everyone has bad days and maybe this band just wasn’t feeling so hot when they recorded the biggest letdown since you told your parents you were dropping out of school to pursue your acting career.
ALKALINE TRIO Agony & Irony
I can hear thousands of emo kids crying their mascara off already. I know, I know…we’re a bunch of savages for naming Alkaline Trio as the recipient of this award. I’m sure I’ll lose about 10 minutes of sleep over it. Agony & Irony was over-hyped and disappointing. No one wanted this album to be better than what it was than we did! There’s only about two really good songs on this album and comparing it to the band’s predecessors is futile. It just doesn’t compare.
Runner Ups: (1) Rise Against Appeal to Reason, (2) In This Moment The Dream, (3) All That Remains Overcome.
BEST TV SHOW
Again, we’re combining all the genres here. Comedy, thriller, mystery, cop shows, all got to compete for the best show on television. New, old, it didn’t make a difference. It had to hold our attention for the entire season. That means we would lie, cheat and steal in order not to miss an episode. But being we all have DVR or Tivo I guess that just makes us really bad people huh?
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Another tight race but the gang from Sunny won in convincing fashion, and for good reason. Hands down it is the most original, most entertaining, most shocking and most hysterical show on television today. If Danny DeVito ran for president the Syndicate would vote for him. The Syndicate’s own, Gdevil was Greenman for Halloween! They did an entire show about a mystery poop!!!! Is there anything more funny than poop humor? We don’t think so, and if you do, you’re probably on the wrong website.
Runner Ups: (1) Sons of Anarchy, (2) Dexter, (3) Burn Notice, (4) Psyche, (5) True Blood
HOTTEST “UNKNOWN” GIRL ON MYSPACE
Fire up your engines boys and girls. This award goes to the hottest amateur model/gal on Myspace. Looks are one thing, but the winner of this one isn’t just lips, tits and a great ass. She also has to have a good attitude. One where if you leave a comment on her page she actually writes you back saying how sweet you are, making your ego as well as other body parts swell. By “unknown” we mean she hasn’t graced the covers of Maxim, FHM or Stuff (is that still out?) just yet, but she’s also not just posting camera phone pictures of her in the ladies room. Please ladies, some professionalism por favor? Our Hottest Girl on Myspace has to have mostly all or some professional photography in her profile.
Jessenia Vice
Instead of telling you all why Jessenia won, how about we just post a photo or two and tell you we hope she does a WD shoot in the near future. We have a feeling the title "Unknown" won't be for very long. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jessenia Vice…
Runner Ups: Jessenia won by such a large margin we actually sold all of the runner ups to Middle Eastern men to be sex slaves.
BEST PORNO
Best pornographic film. Yes, pornography is on everyone's mind. Don't front. Even the holiest of holy's have indulged in a Debbie Does Dallas video or two..or three. Porn has come a long way since the cheesy music and over abundance of pubic hair circa 1970s and 80s. Have you seen the crowd the AVN's get each year in Vegas??? Fact of the matter is the porn industry is one of the largest in the world and like it or not (WE LIKE IT! WE LIKE IT!) its here to stay. So why not have some fun with it? The best skin flick as judged by WD SYNDICATE has to entertain as well as arouse. We're artists here for god's sake! Give us more than a suck, slam, money shot for our dollar!
Tattoos+hot gals+porn+money shots = WD SYNDICATE'S Best Porno of 2008! This one from Burning Angel is sure to take the wrinkles out of your pants. Directed and delivered with the quirky comedic genius of Brookyln's favorite Jew, Joanna Angel, COMT#4 assembles a gorgeous cast including Jessie Lee (GDevil's favorite), Casi Nova, Dasi Marie, and the smoking hot Jezebelle Bond. The girls produce scorching scene after scorching scene but in true BA fashion, never taking themselves too seriously. You'll find yourself laughing while choking your chicken for sure. And who doesn't want to laugh AND whack off???
Runner Ups: (1) Babysitters, (2) Honey Bunny, (3) Fuck Me In The Bathroom
BEST FREE PORN WEBSITE
Why waste money on porn when you can get some quality skin flicks for free via the internet? If you choose to throw money out of your window you probably ate some paint chips when you were younger. Yes there are some quality pay sites out there, and if you are looking for a specific sort of fetish such as midgets, bondage and/or choking then maybe you should steal mom’s credit card and go nutty…no pun intended. Till then here's the Syndicate's best free porn site of 2008...
Pornhub is awesome. It’s updated a bunch of times daily and you rarely see the same video twice. Your not getting snips of videos, mostly your getting whole clips! No more skipping on the money shot for us! Another feature includes a great search engine to find all the scenes of your favorite vixen or genre. Why waste time searching when there’s spankin off to be done??
There are zillions of websites out there. Hell even WE have a website! Who would have thought! If you can think of it, there’s a site for it. Hairy footed women who perform topless car washes? Google it. I’m sure something will come up. The winner of this award should be able to keep you busy for hours and piss off the IT department so much they eventually block it from work computers.
Got hours to kill? Procrastinate much? Dodgin doing actual work? OVGUIDE is the place to be. It breaks down all that is the internet into categories and then gives you the best sites to surf on. Check it out!
Runner Ups: WWW.WDSYNDICATE.COM Come on, did you really think we weren’t gonna plug ourselves here???
BEST MMA FIGHT
Congrats to MMA for pretty much making the fiasco known as boxing a thing of the past. Let’s just all hope and pray that greed, money and power doesn’t infect what is probably the most entertaining sporting events of recent time. With that said, there were some great MMA fights had in 2008. UFC, WEC, Affliction all promoting big name cards and putting some quality fights for display. The Best MMA Fight of 2008 should have it all though. Great storyline, great fighters and of course, a great fight.
Couture vs Lesnar
This was a tough decision but in hindsight we felt that the Couture vs Lesner fight had it all. The salty veteran warrior verse what seems to be the future, immoveable object. In the end, Couture fell to Lesner in respectable fashion. The fight brought great debate the next day at the water cooler as yuppies and pencil pushers talked about as if they were starting a Fight Club of their own in the parking lot.
Runner Ups: (1) Urijah Faber vs. Jens Pulver, (2) Chuck Lidell vs. Rashard Evans, (3) Eddie Alvarez vs. Joachim Hansen
BEST ART WEBSITE
Yes, we’re a cultured bunch. We can appreciate good art even when its just for art’s sake. Just don’t show me a lump of shit and tell me it’s man’s plight against the system. The winner of this category should be able to hold anyone’s interest, even if they aren’t art aficionados.
I swear, favoritism had nothing to do with this selection. So what I’ve known the head honcho over at Robots for upwards of 20 years (shit, just gave away my age didn’t I?). This is in no way a plug for the fastest growing, most informative street art and graf site in the world. I swear. (How was that for subtle Chris?)
BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG
The list was long. Too long. We kept adding to it as the days went on and finally we had enough and decided to just name a whole bunch of douchebags to the list. They are all deserving of praise. Douchebaggery seemed to run rampant in 2008 and sadly it doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. Please do everyone a favor. If you see douchebaggery occurring in your neighborhood, please do something about it. Much like terrorism, if you see something, say something. And the douchebags are...
There you have it folks. The best and worst of 2008 as viewed by us at the Syndicate. The views expressed in this article are the soul opinions of WD SYNDICATE. If you disagree with or are offended by any you're probably a douchebag yourself and may very likely end up on next year's list. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
MOVIE REVIEW: THE WRESTLER Monday, December 22, 2008
So here I am sitting at my desk after baring witness to an indie movie which as of last week, I had never heard of. Tonight I battled the balmy cold weather to make my way to a small theater in the Lower East Side of Manhattan to see The Wrestler. The Landmark Sunshine Theater. For years I have always walked right past this place and never even thought about stepping foot in there. Usually its lined with the trendy, indie, overly liberal rot that infests my city like the bubonic plague. Only instead of puss filled blisters they bring really stupid furry hats and way too tight shirts, and of course their piss poor attitude. So when I saw the latest movie starring Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei was showing there, I gasped a little. I hope it's worth dealing with fake city dwellers and freezing tempertures.
I've been on a bit of a Mickey Rourke kick lately for some reason. The other night a friend brought over a movie called Barfly and ever since I have been looking up any flick with the walking, plastic surgery disaster known as Mickey Rourke in it. The ugly fucker has been in some show stopping movies and in my opinion, has always given his characters that "badass" appeal. Barfly was an awesome movie and I'm glad it took so long for me to see it. Had I seen it when I was younger I totally wouldn't have appreciated it fully. (So yes, Janine, thank you!).
The Wrestler is a movie about a wrestler's fall from the spotlight and how he copes with normal everyday life. For me, it reminded me of the old school WWF and brought back some great childhood memories I had. I remember watching wrestling with my brother all morning long on Sundays, trying to recreate the moves we saw I heroes pull off. I remember how frustrated my brother would get when he could not, for the life of him, figure out how to get me in a "figure four leg lock", even when I would let him position me. It was damn confusing for us! "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorf, Ivan "The Polish Power" Putsky, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, Ric Flair, Classy Freddie Blassy. The list goes on and on. We'd watch for hours and beat the crap out of each other during the commercial breaks. Back then wrestling was still trying to pull off being a legitimate sport and anyone who called it a "stage act" got a beatdown right there on television! I remember watching Regis Philbin getting supplexed after calling wrestling fake for cryin out loud! It was a soap opera for kids then, and nowadays its the same. It just targets grownups and it dropped the "this is real stuff" act.
As staged as it is the blaring fact is that wrestlers have not lead such poignant lives equal to their superstar or celebrity status. For a while it seemed that the pro wrestlers of yore were dropping like flies everyday. It was a sad reality that these once harrowed superhumans were passing well before their time. But why? These guys had millions chanting their name. They had everything. Fame, glory, fortune...right? This is where Rourke's character, Randy "The Ram" Robinson takes center stage. The movie centers on Rourke's differentiation between life in the ring and reality. Through a series of twists and turns The Ram is forced to choose between the glory or the reality, leaving for a great ending in my opinion. One you'll have to see the movie yourself to see.
Pluses for the movie:
Mickey Rourke kills it on screen once again. His fucked up face perfectly casts him as a beat up wrestler. If he wanted to go into the biz he really could. I'm willing to bet he spent a lot of time with the small time wrestling circuits to really grasp the lifestyle.
Marisa Tomei is a stripper. Which means we finally get to see her do some nudity. And much like Rourke, she did her homework in some stripclubs to learn the ropes. And we ain't talking the high class kind, we're talking truck stop titty bars. Sign me up! Always had a thing for you Marisa. Right up there with Alyssa Milano.
Acting, screenplay and camera angles were all fucking top notch. If this doesn't win some Oscars I am never paying to see another movie again.
THE FUCKING SOUNDTRACK KILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quiet Riot was the first metal record (yes, I said RECORD) I ever owned!!!!
Things that sucked about the movie:
I'm sure some will bitch about the ending. Without giving it away it sort of pulled a Sopranos on you. I liked it though.
Nothing really sucked except the asshole who kept yanking my seat back every time he had to get up during the movie, the two fucktards who yapped as they were 10 minutes late and tried finding a seat in a packed house, and the other two jerkoffs who camped out on the floor next to me as if it were Central Park and we were having a god damned picnic.
RZA, IN THIS MOMENT, LAST OF THE BELIEVERS, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD Sunday, December 21, 2008
RZA Digi Snacks Koch Records
I’m biased. I’m from Staten Island, which is the land of Wu Tang known as Shaolin. So as many Staten Islanders, I will back anyone who makes it big from this rock no matter what or how they do so. With that said the Wu Tang can put out an album of them smoking marijuana and I’d buy it AND give it a good review. But I’ll try to be as impartial as possible here. RZA is the brains behind the Wu. I’ve always said he saved the best beats and rhymes for his own albums (Though GZA may be his right hand man in my opinion). This album is chock full of great soul and jazz hooks combined with only the way RZA can tell a story. TOP TRACKS: Long Time Coming, Money Don’t Own Me, Creep, Drama, O Day (a tribute to the craziest motherfucker ever to lay down some rhymes..Old Dirty Bastard) GDEVIL’S VERDICT: Its not the best of RZA’s work but its entertaining just the same. Killa Bees in the swarm!
IN THIS MOMENT The Dream Century Media
You want to know what drew me to In This Moment a few years back? It was their cover of Slayer’s Postmortem coupled with the fact a female singer was barking out vocals on par with Tom Araya. Not to mention said female singer is smoking hot and the band backing said singer is tighter than a virgin’s daughter on prom night. That lead singer’s name is Maria Brink. She’s been in Revolver’s Hottest Chicks in Metal issue forever it seems and for good reason… she’s stunning. I was pretty psyched when I received this album in the mail. ITM was one of the first bands who let me interview them for this site and I will always be a fan no matter what they put out. Which brings me to The Dream. If you were expecting something heavy like I was, you’ll be somewhat disappointed. It’s obvious they are branching into a different direction musically, tapping into a more radio friendly sound. Maybe they are, as many musicians claim to be, “maturing”. TOP TRACKS: The Underworld (Her Kiss), Empires Fall and Rise Again (The Great Divide), Imagine (Violent Skies)
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: As much as it pains me to say, I just can’t get into The Dream. Maria does have a beautiful voice, and the band is absolutely talented, but I’m a big fan of their heavier sound. You don’t even hear a heavy riff till the sixth track and double bass till the ninth. But I tip my hat to a band who has worked extremely hard to achieve the position they are at. Kudos.
LAST OF THE BELIEVERS Paper Ships Under a Burning Bridge Adrenaline Music
Fast paced, hard driving hardcore. This five song EP is worth every penny of the five bucks I spent on it. Upbeat lyrics sang with both clean and heavy vocals that you don’t need a decoder ring to interpret. No they aren’t reinventing the wheel but they are doing something not many bands can say…they are putting out good music. Sidenote...the band is made up of ex-Rise Against from what I understand.
TOP TRACKS: All five of em!!!!
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: Somehow, someway I can foresee many cute chicks rocking out to Last of the Believers. No I’m not calling them a chick rock band, I welcome any band who can bring some broads into a scene dominated by sausage for as long as I can remember! Great EP, great old school feel. I can’t wait to actually see this band live.
WHOLE WHEAT BREAD Minority Rules Fighting Records
Pop-punk goodness. They bill themselves as “Dirty South Punk Rock”. Hey, whatever gets you through the day fellas. Bottom line Minority Rules is a refreshing, fun, fast paced album that brings me back to the days of Face to Face, No Use For a Name and Less Than Jake. Musically they are fucking brilliant. Guitar, bass, drums...all top notch. To get that good of a sound out of a three-piece band is something not many bands can pull off. Oh yeah, if it’s worth mentioning at all, they’re a trio of black fellas. Last time I heard an all black punk band and was blown away? Bad Brains. Just sayin. Oh and the last three tracks sidetrack away from punk and lay down some pretty good hip hop tracks.
TOP TRACKS: Broke, Loud & Clear, Miss Perfection, No Future, Overrated, Feel Like Shit
GDEVIL’S VERDICT: I saw these guys for the first time opening up for Madball and Suicidal Tendencies and found myself in the pit not knowing any words to their songs or anything. They fucking rock and this album is brilliant. Its the most diverse punk band out there right now...they covered Slayer's Reign in Blood and Bone Crusher's Never Scared. How's that for a melting pot?? SHAI HALUD, SCARLET GREY, ALL THAT REMAINS Monday, December 15, 2008 SHAI HULUD Misanthropy Pure MetalBlade Records
The revolving door of post-hardcore sound slams one home with Misanthropy Pure. The human race hating group who has had more lineup changes than Madonna has had sex partners puts it all together for one hell of a progressive hardcore sound. (First recording with vocalist Matt Ian mazalli). I never understood the "post-hardcore" label. I mean does that mean the said band happened after hardcore? If i had to describe Shai Hulud it would be "Post Apocalyptical Hardcore". Misanthropy Pure is something to listen to when the end of days nears and the great Kutulu arises from the depths of the sea...or you can just listen to it like I do when driving recklessly and have to get someplace in a hurry. Shai's off-timed beats and misnthropic lyrics are abundant throughout but the drastic breakdowns are what draws my attention. Nicely done and well worth the wait.
TOP TRACKS: Venomspreader, Misanthropy Pure, We Who Finish Last, Set Your Body Ablaze (the new guy gets a crack at the best SH song ever!) GDEVIL'S VERDICT: If you have never heard Shai Hulud before and are into that whole math rock, metalcore stuff being pumped out now, Misanthropy Pure is a great addition. These guys pioneered the sound so many bands have copied an put forth as their own.
SCARLET GREY Limited:Black Self Released
Glam chick rock by a bunch of dudes. I got turned on to this band by a friend of mine who did a photo shoot for God's Girls.com. Reason being they have a song entitled, yep you guessed it, God's Girls. I felt obligated since she is hot although I was a bit apprehensive when she said "Your not gonna like this but give it a listen anyway." Way to sell a band! While Scarlet Grey isn't my usual cup of whiskey, they are certainly deserving of some praise with their album Limited:Black. A bit pop, a bit glam, a bunch of ooooooo's and ahhhhhhh's to line each track. Yes your girlfriend will probably like it more, but she may be that much happier you turned off the metal for once and showed your soft side.
TOP TRACKS: Mr. Sinister, God's Girls, She's Liquor
GDEVIL'S VERDICT: As much as I make fun of them I can't stop listening to them. Kind of reminds me of Alkaline Trio minus all the talk of killing yourself or your loved one. Not bad at all.
ALL THAT REMAINS Overcome Prosthetic Records
I wait for a new ATR album like a kid waits for Santa on Christmas morning. I have raved about this band in the past for both its albums and its live performances (although I was a bit peeved that they dropped off their tour with In Flames recently). Bottom line however, if you like metal, you more than likely have an appreciation for ATR. So Overcome is no surprise a pretty good album. What's different on it you ask? Well for one they parted ways with Killswitch Engage mainstay, producer Adam Dutkiewicz. Instead they elected the services of Jason Suecof (Bury Your Dead, Cannae, Devildriver). I'm not sure how much influence he had on the sound of this album but it definitely gives off a more mainstream vibe, take that for whatever its worth.
TOP TRACKS: Before the Damned, Undone, Relinquish GDEVIL'S VERDICT: While its not a bad album by any means, I don't think its ATR's best. I was expecting something a bit more brutal and less melodic. Then again, melody ain't such a bad thing, and no one really does it better than All That Remains. All hail Oli!
The year is 2008, fastly approaching 2009. I ask you all this question. How many people do you know WITHOUT either a Myspace or Facebook profile? If you answered a few, well you are a minority. According to Techradar.com a total of 170 million people are registered to one or the other, or even both sites. Those are pretty impressive numbers considering what both Myspace and Facebook started off as. Just a small idea to keep people connected, and look what it exploded into? Do you think Myspace Tom ever thought his little social networking idea would spawn relationships, make bands into overnight superstars and make that girl next door an international sensation? Both of these sites have injected themselves into our lives to such an extent we have to check on our friends Facebook status on the hour via cell phone or check our Myspace inbox to see if that dreamy guy/girl messaged us back on the hour. For some people it has launched them into careers of modeling, acting, hell even the totally talentless (see Tila Tequila) has garnered international superstar status by blogging about lipstick colors and lesbianism. Pretty much, if you have an internet connection, a digital camera and a little html know-how, you have a chance to be your own little celebrity, rock-star. It’s an idea that engulfs us all at times. And I call bullshit if you have never lipsynched or air-guitared in front of a mirror.
I am guilty of falling into the self indulgent world of both Myspace and Facebook. I’m not going to make excuses. I like attention and I’m willing to bet the majority of people also like attention. Otherwise how else would explain all those girls posing half naked in front of their bathroom mirrors with cell phone camera in hand on their Myspace pages? But which site can actually deliver the goods and get you laid? THAT'S the real question isn't it? Again, your not putting on your best makeup for that perfect cell phone picture for nothing are you? So today I’m going to weigh and compare the two social networking giants based on my personal experiences and some other's experience. Now I know both of these sites are not billed as dating sites so to speak, but we all know the truth of the matter here. I'm willing to bet out of those 170 million people with profiles out there, at least more than half aren't really interested in spreading the word about the latest shitty band in your neighborhood…MYSPACE VS. FACEBOOK!! The saga continues!
Myspace Where do I start? I remember a friend telling me I should join the site after I just got out of a bad relationship way back in 2000. He didn't bill it as a dating site, just a site where you can meet people which appealed to me because of my zombie-like work hours at the time. i didn't and still do not have the time to go out and mingle in bars, clubs, bookstores or the local coffee shop to hit on, flirt with or approach women...your mother included. I was apprehensive about the whole idea of having my information out on display for all to see until i saw how many women were EXTREMELY excited to take soft core porn shots in front of their bathroom mirror and post them for the world to see! "If these girls can almost show nipple and aren't worried about anything, why should I thought?" was one of my thoughts. My other thoughts ranged between how much lotion do I own and will anyone notice a tube of it on my computer desk. I succumbed and immediately started adding people I knew, people they knew then eventually just random hot chicks. "Where are these girls in real space!?!" I asked!!! I grew some balls and asked a few out. Some blew me off, others took me up on the offer and gave me many stories to tell for years. Some good, some bad...mostly bad.
Obviously I will hide the identities of all girls because I don't want to get WD SYNDICATE sued. Hell, then again, we barely own anything so if these descriptions come anywhere close to you I suppose you can give your jerkoff lawyer a call. Our secretaries will be standing by. Here are the wackiest two broads I've met on Myspace.
Girl#1 - "The Mouth" This gal started off as a pen pal. We would exchange messages, comments almost on a sickening level. Eventually phone numbers were exchanged and finally we started hanging out. She was a cool girl with great taste in music in my opinion and we had plenty in common. BUT...it should have been kept on that friend level. Once we crossed the line I started seeing who this girl really was. For one thing, she wouldn't shut up. She had a nervous tick in her face that made me start thinking she had a form of Tourette Syndrome. Needless to say it didn't work out as she started to make up stories of how we were such great friends and how we were truly in love, blah..blah..blah... Truth of the matter is we spoke about maybe a dozen times on the phone in about 2-3 years and have hung out physically about 3-5 times. But yeah, that's true love.
Girl#2 "The Itch" I friended this girl purely on impulse. She was hot therefore I added her. Shame on me, I know. But whatever, I was on a mission to meet someone...ANYONE, at this point in my life. She was a tan brunette with, what appeared to be a pretty smoking body (you'll see where this is going). Again, we started messaging and commenting back and forth and eventually moved to a phone relationship...a big step in the internet world. On the phone she had a very strong Irish brog, which surprised me because of her tanned complexion. "Oh, I just got back from vacation." she replied. It eased any anxiety I had that she would be a totally different person when and if we ever met. Speaking of anxiety, all her photos were "waist up" pictures. "Hmmm this has disaster written all over it" I remember thinking. We agreed to meet up for lunch and a drink one day. I ring the bell and it all comes to fruition. Yes she's tan. Because she's Pakistani! Something you may have wanted to share with me, but again, shame on me, because when someone says they are Irish that just means they were born there. Hell, I know a bunch of black Italian citizens who were born there as well, but I wouldn't ask them to make me ravioli. The date was horrible. She proceeded to get so drunk she could barely walk. The more drunk she got the less I could understand her as accent got really incoherent. I also got to notice her mangled teeth on occasion when she would laugh so loud her mouth opened like a PEZ dispenser to put all those "summer teeth" (summer here, summer there) on display. I smoothly told her i had to go to work earlier and guided her back to my car. During our walk and ride back to deliver this mess home, I noticed she kept scratching her stomach violently. We arrived at her apartment, I opened her car door and came to a horrifying discovery. Her shirt was almost completely undone revealing what she had been scratching. It appeared to be a rash I could only describe as "flesh eating" and "zombie-like". I ejected her to her front door and ran home to disinfect the ride. Friendship - deleted.
FACEBOOK Facebook, to me, is for grownups. Hell, my brother, sister in-law and all of my family is on there so I usually am on somewhat of my best behavior. It's not the right setting to go out and whore about town. This really is the best way to keep in contact with old friends and reconnect with people from grammer school, high school and college. Sounds great right?
Wrong. Yes its all nice to see what your long lost friend from 15 years ago is up to. But its also a bit depressing. Think about it. You see all your old classmates all married and having kids and what are you doing? Trying to bang girls off the internet!? Posting why Chuck Norris is the world's biggest badass!? Hey look there's that girl ou use to drool over in high school. She married the guy who use to kick you in the nuts on your way to gym class and they have 2.5 kids, a sick house and three cars. And what do you have? Maybe a goldfish and a lot of credit card debt from charging happy endings at the Korean Massage Palace.
So in review. I liken Myspace as what some child molestors see a schoolyard as...a smorgasboard full of opportunity. Everyone is on there for self gratification so why not fuel the ego by trying to cash in with some fornication? Facebook really is just a social networking site, good for personal and business use...and also if your looking for that extra push off the ledge if your down in the dumps about your miserable life.
SASQUATCH AND THE SICK-A-BILLIES Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Let me first start off by saying that I don't claim to be a writer, a critic, or know every aspect of music, but I do know what I like. With that said here's one guy's perspective on the Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billys show on Dec 7th at Otto's Shrunkin Head in NYC that me and Chris of Robots Will Kill headed to.
If you haven't been there here's the layout. The place is small with a tiki lounge feel to it. A small bar in the front room with a couple of booths. There's a narrow hallway that leads into a room that's not any bigger than your folks living room. Oh and squeezed into that hallway is a photo booth and a hunting video game. In that room is a small stage, maybe ten inches off the ground and some seats & tables on the outer wall. As for Sasquatch, if you haven't seen him, fucking get out there and check these motherfuckers out! I assure you they will not disappoint. From the lead singers antics such as deep throating the mic to the tons of nose picking, earwax licking hijinx... all without missing one goddamn guitar riff. It's a show that's sure to blow your fucking head off! Sasquatch is a three piece band that's as tight as a frog's ass who will make you appreciate side saddlin, hony tonky, dirty country rock. The style reminiscent of their forefathers of country; you can hear similarities from the driving bass lines from the Reverend Justin K to the drumming styles of Snake. Its great to see a band that's committed to the sound they love so much. I mean, here's a band that drives out from Pittsburgh, Pa to do a show for "FREE" on a Sunday to a handful of people. That says something to me. Hearing them cover the Misfits' Hollywood Babylon and Metalicca's Am I Evil in pure rockabilly form is a treat everyone should take in once in their life. Than there's the random 4 Non Blondes cover of What's Goin On, which was kind of odd, yet fun.
This is just some of the antics Sasquatch and the boys had in their 2 hour set (yes once again for FREE!). Oh and another great treat was when Sasquatch was just calling out drummer's styles and Snake would play them at random. For example, he went from Louis Prima (whose birthday it would have been) to Hank Williams Sr. to Slayer and than to the rhythm halting White Stripes.
***NOTE!!! This video was ripped from a previous show..just notice Sasquatch's reaction to the heckler...priceless***
Get out there and support the scene before there is no scene from...
SUICIDAL TENDENCIES LIVE AT IRVING PLAZA, NYC DEC 4th, 2008
Ok so the audio isn't the best, sue me. It was ST's first show in NYC in about 9 years so the staff at Irving Plaza figured a big VIP crowd and roped off the usual section where I film and take pictures. No, I haven't reached VIP status just yet either...sniff...sniff. Enjoy the antics of the craziest frontman I have ever witnessed, Cyco Mike Muir!!! Stay tuned for more video posts of this show from SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, MADBALL, and WHOLE WHEAT BREAD
